Parenting: Back to Basics

Parenting basically involves providing food, shelter and love to our children. It involves making decisions on their behalf which will help them gain the skills they need to become independent in the real world. In brief a secure environment.

Perfect parenthood is an illusion to be avoided as it will lead to anguish and frustration on the side of the parent and children are sensitive to this. There are so many social and self-imposed demands in parents these days that parents find themselves trying to fulfill all of them, with the fear that if they don’t they’re not being good parents. This situation makes parenting something of anguish, a constant crisis.

Trying to prepare our children to succeed and be happy in a fast changing world, we don’t even know what to prepare them for…it is overwhelming for all.
So many requirements for our children, so much pressure on them, demands not fulfilled as we expect them to… it just creates crisis… and then we find ourselves not enjoying our children, not sharing as many enjoyable moments with them but focusing on so many goals. Parents are not perfect and we must not expect perfection from our children.

There’s also an overprotective shielding going on, I found a mom saying she doesn’t take her child to many activities because it is “too much for him”. Yes, her child has some flexibility and sensory issues, but keeping him at home and not exposing him to the world is not the right way to help this child. Is she really helping her son? I don’t think so…hiding in her son’s issues to avoid preparing him to face the world while believing that “you know best” is hurting her child. Additionally she is creating a heroic narrative in which she helps her son by letting him stay in a safe environment- avoiding difficult situations, so he never gets to be out in the real world.

The world is not perfect, so we shouldn’t present it that way, reality is very important to know about. A parent must let their child explore the world warning them about dangers they might encounter so they are well aware of their surroundings to avoid them and protect themselves. There are coping strategies that will help this child participate and overcome stress and sensory challenges in any environment. It is the parents role to embrace these strategies and help their child adapt and thrive. Do consider their particularities, their strengths and weaknesses in order to help them in the path to be independent and successful.

Please listen to them, don’t just use your strong arguments with them and expect them to argue at the same level …as parents and caregivers we are much better than they are in arguing, they are still learning to make their own compelling arguments and don’t have the experience that we have…when we do this, they feel they’re not being listened to and we are just imposing our views and decisions on them…

Emotionally we should provide a loving environment that will make them feel confident. This confidence allows them to experience the world in a better place, it enhances life into success and happiness happens as a consequence of success and moral behavior.

Trust and give your kids some control in their lives, make them feel loved and truly enjoy being their parent.