Having an explosive child is not desirable nor easy to deal with, yet each child has their own particular needs of attention from parents. Parents need to focus their attention on their children’s individual needs, in addition to their own personal difficulties.
In order to be able to help each child, good communication within the family is extremely important. When the family’s communication patterns are not appropriately adjusted to each situation, they can actually lead to more explosive reactions from the family member that needs to learn the skills to be flexible and deal appropriately with frustration.
It is fairly common in families to have siblings aiming their hostilities and fierce acts towards each other. When one of the siblings is explosive, such acts are more intense and traumatizing to the other sibling(s); and when they are repeated over time, they have the characteristics of bullying (see Bullying articles). This is a very undesirable situation within a family. Parents need to intervene, and they must focus their attention on their children differently, according to what each child needs.
As parents focus their attention on each child according to their particular priorities and needs, siblings complain about not being treated equal, they feel parents are not fair because their attention and expectations from each sibling are different.
More-so, if one of the siblings happens to be explosive, parents need to pay more attention and use a larger amount of time and effort focusing on helping their explosive child. When this happens, it is always helpful to explain to the non-explosive siblings the reasons why their explosive sibling acts that way (he or she needs to learn flexibility and coping with frustration skills), why it is so difficult to change, and how they can help prevent their sibling’s explosions and have a nicer home atmosphere.
This of course doesn’t change the fact that the parents’ efforts are greatly directed towards the explosive sibling, having inequality in parents’ attention towards their children, and having children complain about it. It is a reality, so don’t try to make your explosive child be like the others, just be aware that that is how things are.
Parents have different expectations for each child, as they naturally adjust them to their children’s needs: one may need help with math, while another may need help with flexibility, yet another might need help with friends…each child has to face different challenges and parents should have different expectations according to such challenges
Remember, being fair is different from being equal, parents cannot be equal, but they can and should be fair.