Accepting Help

Accepting help, adjusting to change and being adaptable requires a child to be secure and self-confident. When a child feels insecure, questions their ability to successfully complete the activity or be able to change how the activity was performed, they will resist change.

Change or impending change may elicit feelings of fear and anxiety which makes the child resist change even more.

Let’s visit a hypothetical event: This time there is a girl (no physical impediments) who is at a gymnastics class and all the girls will be learning to do a cartwheel. She wants to do a cartwheel, she wants to do well. Some of the girls already know how to do cartwheels, but our girl is struggling to get the right motion, she can do it but clearly needs help. The instructor is willing to help her, so she approaches our girl to support her and guide her to get the feeling of what she needs to do to master this task…. Our girl panics, she fears she will not do what the instructor wants her to do, she fears doing all the wrong things, she is afraid of failure…she gets nervous, tense… she is not flexible… So when the instructor attempts to help her, she is insecure and unfocused, her mind is not to be reached at that time… she does not get anything that the instructor is saying and doing… she is completely rigid… she resists the instructor, so she fails to get the help she needs. In addition to all this, the instructor interprets the wrong message: she thinks our girl doesn’t want to learn, that the girl is not interested in doing a cartwheel, and that the girl doesn’t like her.

In this event, the girl really wants to learn how to do a cartwheel, she wants to do well, however her insecurity and fear of failure prevents her from achieving her goal and creates unintended perceptions and feelings in her instructor.

Feeling insecure often is a normal part of growing up and developing. Some children just have more difficulty adjusting to change and feeling confident than other children.

Children like this need to learn the skills to accept and take help from others, to become flexible and open to help.